Crisis, chaos, cake and cuddles .....
Son taken very poorly 😷(now fine.. phew!!!!😅) .... what is a mum to do ???
1....Sit loving at his bedside meeting his every need, lavishing the with TLC, grapes and  Lucazade. 😇... sadly for him he's got me as a mum on a  year challenge .....
Or 2 .....Yes you've got it ....... 🤗...quick visits to hospital.. only quick... not because I don't love him... but the bloody car park is £4.00 an hour !!!!😱...... So true to my challenge had a mile walk to find free parking  ... and the important fact I had 2 loaves of bread to bake or no packed lunches for everyone else the next day ...😇
Well I was very stressed ...... and very depressed after spending £1.50 on a coffee ....ahhhh😱😱😱I was so distraught... I had no other option ... So sold a jumper to cover the cost of my thriver-less spend... then to dampen my sorrow and got back on the focus of my challenge.... I   so also baked a very large cake ..... a very large and utterly delicious cake ....quickly followed by consuming half  of said very large cake 🎂!!!!!

After my secret cake binge recovery.... finally got  round to doing a job I've been putting off since starting my challenge .... the dreaded reorganisation of my freezer.....
Then I began thinking.... Am I the only person who just deposits the contents of their entire shopping  trip frenzy into their freezer ....thinking .. " note to self ...sort this out later !!!"....believe me when I say even this was even a bigger job than I was anticipating.... and to my absolute horror and disgust.... there was enough food to support the third world food mountain... most of which I'd totally forgotten three quarters of  it was in there....TERRIBLE!!!

Then Spent a productive afternoon vigorously menu planning with military precision..... shockingly  had enough food in there for meals very day for the next 52 days 😦 ... so now feel embarrassed and totally ashamed of my previous obsessive, subconscious and completely unnecessary glutinous spending ....

Oh ...... I can officially announce.....I am now a very proud award winning marmalade maker .....
Well when I say award winning I mean I entered my marmalade in the village Spring Show....
Apparently  (according to to section 4.5 of the show rule book) it was in the wrong type of jar.... REALLY!!!!
 and if that wasn't ridiculous enough.....
The label wasn't within the Show Rules ... 😂😂😂😂😂
but the marmalade was outstanding quality !!!
Who needs a proper jar or label anyway!!!

Time stands still for true friendship
Like most people in this day and age I'm always busy, never got any time free, always up to something, planning, making something and making any excuse to become a self induced recluse.
I am totally ashamed to admit I've not made time ... not even to call, drop a text or attempt to contact one of my oldest and dearest friends for 4 yrs !!!😪😪😪... we've been through and shared so much, laughed, cried and shared secrets together. over the past 37 yrs.. godmother to each other's children and shared all major life changing and family events.... it's not unusual for us to go through ridiculously long periods of time without seeing,speaking or having any contact with each other ... finally met up last night and it was as if life had stood still and was as if we'd only been apart for a few days.... A sign of a true and robust friendship...
when I started this blog and challenge it was about me and my values , things I didn't like and wanted to change.  I've sadly grown to realise another area in my life I need to change .. and change quickly before it's to late is the subconscious attitude I have developed into those very few, precious  people in my life who are just so important me... note to self .... make time for friends... and do take them or life for granted.....
Still on challenge track... very productive and still cooking everything from scratch..... tick ✅
Vegetable and fruit beds dug ready for production... tick ✅
Tomatoes, spinach, lettuce, cabbage and cucumbers seeds sown... ✅

New living or obsession????

I never thought the day would come when I wake in the middle of the night planning my day ahead s a baking....
sadly this has been the case for the past 2 weeks .... and I'm loving every second of it !!!
Just started writing my favourite recipes in a cook book with all the different recipes used and tweaked...
Sooooo satisfying..........

Just discovered an brilliant gardener Alys Fowler. Edible Garden... so excited ....I just want to get outside and start digging my vegetable and fruit patch .... beetroot and chard seeds and onion sets  bought. Compost heap coming  nicely ....
Roll on March when I can get sowing  my seeds and become fruit and vegetable self sufficient.....
Why does this make me feel so happy and contented???
This has totally taken oven my life ... changed my way of thinking, my attitude to people and life in general......
And just maybe take stock and revisit my past ...!!!!!

When all else fails ....focus on the moment be thankful for what you've got and make marmalade!!!!
Well .... where to start....

Firstly.... 1st month of my challenge is over... mission accomplished... have kept true to my word.. if it can be made make it ... every single thing has been cooked from scratch using basic store cupboard ingredients.. have not spent a 1penny on myself... no treats, snacks, coffees, gym membership gone, no paying for car parks and no random, spontaneous clothes, shoes or useless kitchen gadgets bought..... total spent this month £160.67😇

Secondly....

Should have been flying to artic on Monday...⛷⛸⛄️❄️
Should being the prerogative word....
Mum taken seriously ill and in hospital..😪 Not good .....holidays can be replaced mums can't 😢😢
To go away or not to go ... thats the question 😕???
If that's not bad enough....
 friendswho I was going with just admitted  ITU 😪😪😪😪 decision made... holiday cancelled...
Life and love is so precious....

When your world  is in turmoil ....At times like this ... sod the mindfulness the only sensible solution to do is.....drink vodka and make marmalade  🥃🍊🍞

And be grateful you have a like minded friend who encourages, understands and is as equally full of eccentricities ... pops round ... gives you a reality check....and put the world into perspective over coffee and biscuits... and planning our vegetable production....and is very happy when she is given a lovely box of oak chippings in preparation for her next project... a homemade smoker!!!!

Great things can come from chaos ... can't they ??

My challenge is now in full swing.... so far since 1st January I've cooked everything from scratch all from simple store cupboard ingredients.....
Oh .....my vegetable plot in the planning... ground is  like a big tried to dig it over but gave up .. but at least I know what I'm going to plant and what I need to do ... or at least my son who is student at RHS Wisley has told me what to do ....."you can't do that" or "that won't grow there" ... or even "you don't have a clue what you are doing ... do you ?" Bless him..... not !!!!!😡

It's not been easy. .... but 2wks on I'm slowly becoming to get more organised and having a real sense of achievement..... And the realisation of having a huge amount of admiration for my parents and grandparents  who had to do this every single day just to survive and not for pleasure....

 It always baffles me ... whenever I have watched any TVs cook or baking show their kitchens are always so clean tidy and organised.....
This sadly this is a skill I have yet to achieve..... as you can see... !!!!

I've never seen Mary Berry's or Nigella's kitchen looking quite like this...!!!!

But hay as the song goes "It's not where you start, it's where you finish "...
And ta daaaaa.... as if by magic a perfect yummy jar of Maple Cookies 🍪

100gms butter

100gms Demerara sugar 

2 TVs maple syrup 

175g plan flour 

Cream butter sugar and maple syrup until light and fluffy 

Mix in flour 

Kneed until forms a soft dough 

Turn on to a lightly floured board

Roll into a thick sausage shape 

Cut into between 10/12 discs

Bake gas 6, 200c or 400f 15-20 minutes or until golden brown 

Soooooooo simple .... but sooooo delicious 😋 

Why do we judge ourselves...

Doing this challenge in beginning to realise just how much easy it is to fall into a trap and to judge and beat yourself up trying to impress...... but why ????
To be honest its easy to spent far to long, longing to be like someone else ... comparing yourself  and trying to model yourself  on others and searching for contentment and happiness in completely the wrong places.....

It's only when you realised that true happiness start with us .... and who we really are and except we are all unique and all have different roles and expectations  in life .....
Some will test us, others will challenge.. but never give up on your dreams and never compromise your beliefs.....
Start to recognise when things need to change or not good enough ....
Just be strong enough to let go ....  don't be afraid to take risks.....and do you know what? .... it's ok ....
Don't be afraid to take risks.....

My house isn't big, impressive or tidy... most of the time it chaotic and cluttered.... but it's just the way I like it.... it's a home with life, laughter  and dogs...

and more importantly today very happy as now made 6 raspberry jams, three jars of pickled onions and six jars of Jumble Chutney

Just sooooooo happy 🙂🙂

To do lists, organisation, reflection and the realisation your 25 yr old son has had a good idea !!😂😂

Well our new approach is certainly a hot topic of conversation around the dinner table... even to the point were it was commented that making bread is pretty time consuming... but well worth the effort..
Then out of a slightly sarcastic, slightly showing interest comment it was suggested as I weigh out ingredients every day why didn't I do it all in advance.. one bag of ingredients ready to go just add water ......
Genius ..... and Ta daaaaaaa as if by magic .... two weeks of bread ready to go !!!!!

It's always the little things that make me soooooo happy !!!

One week has now passed since embarking on my new rules and do you know what ... its beginning not only to change my attitude but those who are around me ... all for the greater a good ...

Being able to appreciate what you actual have and the importance of those around you.
Taking time to understand what makes you happy and to understand that happiness always starts with you and the impact your behaviour and views impact on others.
And with a bit of planning, organisation and prioritising who and what is really important  contentment will flow......

Health doesn't always come from medicine..... it comes from peace of mind and contentment..
And to think this all started over a coffee and chat with a very dear and likeminded friend... she is a very special and extraordinarily exceptional person I've every had the privilege to know...we are so very alike but so different....
We've both strong because there's been no choice we've had to be ...
We are both smart because we have learned from many mistakes...
We are wise because we look, listenand learn from others..
And nothing can ever hurt us more than we've already experienced ....
And when we find ourselves doubting... or question ourselves or how much we can achieve... we have the courage and strength to remind each other how far we have already come ....
No that's a pretty special and remarkable friendship....

I've entered Narnia !!!

Cooking from scratch and writing a blog really  opens your eyes to what's actually happening in the world of consumers and the ridiculous choice we are brain washed to pop in our shopping trolley.
Today was a truly classic example of this.... I've no idea just how long this prodyhas been available... and if I new it wasn't 7th January it could have easily been mistaken today as 1st April.... April Fools Day........
Tomorrow I'll introduce you to my girls.... 5 beautiful speckled bantams... 🐓🐓
but today they let me down... every day they produce 5 of the most amazing eggs 🥚we've ever had... but no ... not today typical!!!
unfortunatly a vital  ingredient for my homemade pasta ....
As chance would have it I had to pop to the local supermarket...so decided to get some eggs while
there .... having never bought eggs  from there before .......I started scanning the vast variety of eggs ...I quote barn eggs, value eggs,  happy eggs, free range eggs, brown eggs, white eggs, small, medium, large extra large eggs, rare bread chicken eggs, duck eggs , quails eggs, dozen, half dozen, 15 and 4 eggs in a box.. which though crazy I understand.....
Until that is I came across a box of eggs that were nearly twice the price of  any box of of eggs on the shelf  .... consumerism marketing gone mad ..... was a display of "Eggs for Baking !!!!!" ..... Really ?
Am I being completely stupid .... but aren't all chicken eggs for baking ???

Having been baffled and somewhat stressed by all the different type of eggs available ... I decided to go to buy a dozen eggs from a local hen keeper... eggs were all shapes, sizes and colours... simple and perfect and a sensible price ....
Pasta duly made resulting in 3 yummy lasagna's made... as requested by number one son ...😇

A out of control or dangerous obsession !!!

I don't know whether to feel ashamed or embarrassed...
I was talking to a friend who has organised her wardrobe so she only ever has 36 items in use at any ony time ..... (bonkers or what ??) Her theory being it will take the stress out of your life and make you appreciate what you have ......really ???

With the new thinking, approach to life, love, de-clutter and back to basics her idea will fit perfectly into my new regime......or so I thought ......

This is one of my 3 wardrobes that to be honest more resembles a jumble sale.......
ok 36 items ... but which ones... ?

To my utterly horror and disgust in my 3 wardrobes I had 489 items of clothing (and if that's not bad enough that's just my winter clothes!!!!) 😧😧
Not to mention the 46 pairs of tights, 37 pairs of shoes and boots and 16 coats !!!!!😲😲
I had no idea more than half of it was even there.........😳😳
No wonder considering the sheer volume of stuff!!!
Deep breath taken wardrobes opened......
OMG !!!!!!!!!! Though I opened them every single.... today was different...today my habits needed to change and this was the wake up call I needed........

5 hrs, 6 bags heading for the charity shop, 3 bin liners of rubbish later my 3 wardrobes fitted into 1.....😇😇

Has this changed my life ....????  No
Will this change my life ......???? No
But do you know what .... I feel a weight has been lifted... in an odd way it's like admitting to an addiction.... I now need to work hard to make sure I never allow this never happens again..... greed, gluttony of a materialistic nature..... so ashamed.....😓😓
It can be hard to let go of what we think is important.... but often they are not...
Though we have no idea what tomorrow will bring.... never stop doing the little things that have a big impact... and stay true to your values, beliefs and those who are important to you.... self control and satisfaction is a powerful feeling which just makes you look up and smile ......😌

Are we losing the plot ??

I'm slowly beginning to realise....Whatever we do today will get us closer to our goals, dreams and where we want and need to be tomorrow... and important things will come to us when the moment is right.. we just need to be patient... but we need to work and focus on them..

Im  shocked saddened and  speechless by the sheer amount of adverts on tv and in magazines "everything you need to cook a homemade  meal delivered fresh to your door in a box. .!!!!

Really ??? ....

Do people really buy these ????

Isn't good basic food in everyone's cupboards....??? 

Anyone can basically cook  pretty much any meal , treat or snack. Totally additive free, fresh and
cheap !!
I fear for the next generation of children being slowly removed from reality and the pleasure of sourcing, cooking, experimenting and eating basic food with a bit of a twist and at times a bit quirky..

Homemade flat bread and stupid simple and cheap to make.... believe me if I can cook them anyonycan....





150g strong flour
1/2 tsp yeast
1tsp sugar
If you want add anything you have or fancy olives, garlic, onion.
Approximately 100mls tepid water (enough to make soft dough)
Mix together
kneed for two minutes
Leave to prove in a warm place 20 minutes
Divide into 4
Roll out to thin flatbread
Heat frying pan
Dry cook of 3-4 mins each side until golden
Utterly Delicious ....❤️🌮

Oranges, lemons and random rock cakes.....

It dawned on me today the sheer gluttony of over buying and stockpiling in preparation for the festive period ....
Before this challenge anything unused historical would be chucked away with not a thought and no
impact, consequences or second thoughts...
Not anymore........
So many leftover oranges and lemons ... utterly ridiculous....!!!!!
So began to think what on earth I could do with them all.....?
Simple orange and lemon rock cakes .....!!!
And do you know what? They weren't bad at all ... remainder duly sliced and ready to freeze....
A very satisfying result .. and still secretly chuffed with myself!!!

Today I experienced my first NCE or  (near coffee experience)
Is it subconscious habit or advertising fueled addiction ?
The lure of roasted coffee filling the cold winter air (which I'd never noticed before)
Was the conscious in me being tested or was the retail marketing just out there to wind me up ?
Then I got thinking
I can't  always control what is happening around me, (though believe me I'd like to !!)
I need to learn to challenge and control the way I respond....
It's just a matter of priorities really and what's truly important......
So whether is a coffee (or not to coffee dilemma... !!!) ... laying pray to a victim to the power of advertising or a life changing event.... we alone have been blessed with the power of choice... and when we stick to what is really important it's an amazing feeling !!!!

Orange and lemon rock cake recipe ;

225g self raising flour
100g butter
75g sugar
100g dried fruit
1 egg beaten
30-40mls lemon and orange juice fresh (or milk if you've got no fruit to use up !!!)
Rub butter into flour until looks like fine bread crumbs.
Add sugar and fruit
Mix in egg and liquid until a very stiff thick batter consistency is achieved.
Dollop mixture onto a baking sheet (should make around 12-15 cakes.
Bake gas 6, 200c or 400f for approximately 20 minutes or until golden brown
Leave to cool if you can resist before you eat.
Totally delicious!!!!

Thought for the day ......
"A beautiful day begins with a beautiful mindset !!!"
Ok ... can't be to difficult.
Just need to flip the things that irritate into happy, fluffy bunny thoughts!!
Aspire  tobe a "Temple of Tranquility "
New rule introduced.... will not make the same recipe twice... not too sure how that will go down ... but not my problem!!!!!
Last packet of 48 custard creams munched on 31.12.16
True to my word if it can be made..... "make it ..."
Having trawled through my Bodlian style library of recipe books... Oat and Honey Biscuits
Perfect......
And no culinary disasters
48 perfectly made really scrumpy biscuits made by 11am....

Even better recipe clearly stated "will keep for 7 days in an air tight container... Brilliant that
gives till next Sunday before my next batch of biscuits is needed.....
Oh how wrong can you be.... they didn't even make it to 5pm !!!!!

"Oh no".... this was not part of my plan.... biscuits made for 6 days not 6 hrs!!!!
Changing negative, destructive thoughts into positive... I secretly smiled to myself and enjoyed the momeyof self righteous satisfaction as I sat with a coffee starring at a solitary biscuit and a plate of crumbs!!!!
Oat and Syrup Biscuits
100g self raising flour
75 g oats
25g desiccated coconut
100g butter
125 caster sugar
30mls golden syrup
1tsp bicarbonate of soda
15mls milk
Method
Mix flour, oats and coconut in a bowl
In a saucepan on low heat melt butter, sugar and syrup...string continually until starting to boil.
Remove from heat.
Dissolve bicarbonate of soda in the milk then mix quickly into the butter and syrup mix.
Add butter and syrup mix to the dry ingredients and mix well.
Leave to cool.
Form mix into 24 small balls
Space well apart on baking sheet as they will spread
Bake gas 4 or 180c or 350f for appropriate 15 mins or until golden brown.
Leave to cool and enjoy......
Though I cannot guarantee they will last for 7 days in an air tight container !!!

Well day one nearly completed and so far all rules stuck to.
Gold star to me !!!
Friends over today... check rule book .. if it can be made.... make it !!
What could be a better way of impressing your guests than to make a chocolate cake... simple..
problem being just found out they are cealic... can't be difficult to make a gluten free cake ...right  ??
Easy recipe duely found...
Perfect......!!!!!

I would present my cake to them with gasps of eager anticipation.. oh while smiling sweetly and slightly smugly saying.."oh just a little something I knocked up earlier... well at least that was the plan.....
Sadly this is what emerged from my oven...

Oh dear .... and no plan B ... only option to disguise my culinary disaster with chocolate sauce.... good plan .....
End result....Ta da aaaaaaaaaa !!!!

Then this got me thinking... just maybe I am like my cake...
I strive for beauty, perfection and aim to impresss.... but why ????
The reality is a few jumps , bumps, imperfections and a bit deflated.....going from one drama to another.... but the fact of the matter is it's ok and it doesn't  matter.... those who are important to us don't really care and are not bothered in the slightest and to be honest nor was I... everyone enjoyed the here and now and being together, and ignored the imperfections, that's what we need to remember

and not the nonsense of impressing and just embrace who we really are. Xx